tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6816839719909830672024-03-14T02:17:03.401-07:00Lost in this worldLets say: it is my story in the last 10 years moving and living in different countries around the worldRaquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-86576497453433128082016-07-03T07:39:00.000-07:002016-07-03T08:41:01.555-07:00MENow finally Im getting more into research a bit more about how to survive well with my sickness Multiple Sclerosis - MS.<br />
First I never was so disturbed by it as never made a serious damage on my health.Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-62737992861062041702015-10-22T08:51:00.002-07:002015-11-05T04:57:46.612-08:00RelatoonshipsCatch 22 situation<br />
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It is so difficult to make choices especially when envolve love and future, please give me your opinion:<br />
I guess you know, Im a woman from Brasilia, Brazil (the capital of Brazil), I have 42 years and looking for love and after all these years doesnt matter where will be from, lately Im envolved with a man from US, we talked for months online, he called me and it is ok but I want to know him personally, I told that to him and seems soon he will be here.<br />
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At the same time this Brazilian start to chat with me and already knew him from a year ago.<br />
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Both cool people, very good options for me.<br />
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Many things for me envolved on this decision:<br />
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- love (give and receive)<br />
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- happiness<br />
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- my personal future (me+me)<br />
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Ah and my personal habits, I dont drink much and just wine, I dont eat meat<br />
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For some people it is difficult to deal with it.<br />
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I prayed for God many times and I guess he lived open for me taking my decisions and I thanks God for it.<br />
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When you start, I mean relationship, you need to be very conscious about what you want and you can give to the other.<br />
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To dont make illusions, Im a Lucky woman, I do remember when I have finnished my last relationship, it was a pain for 1 year, can I say that now is worse....be alone :(<br />
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The virtuality can make even worse, it is a new concept and in a few ways you never can be sure if it will work for us.<br />
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Love is an old concept but still something new until the fall, that sometimes happens. The felling of to be in love and desired is so good even when it is on virtuality. The vituarlity is moving our ideias about fellings that you feel: especially the concept: what is virtual?<br />
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What is virtuality? <br />
What do you think is?<br />
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- Gilles Deleuze used the term <b>virtual</b> to refer to an aspect of reality that is ideal - <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-49815404355494250602015-09-10T08:32:00.000-07:002015-09-15T10:08:41.332-07:00<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Some people came to me with a interesting question:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">Did you returned to Brazil just because your disease?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">well I already wrote in this blog about my famility a long time ago, I guess; I never had a wonderful relationship with my Family, after I returned to Brazil it became okish, but I´ve notice this problem is not just about me, many have problems with their families, but how to finish it?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">It is maybe the wrong person to talk about it; I never married, never had kids,<em> </em> have a disease that dont have cure, Im in love but you know love Always is difficult.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">I dont have a big problem about my disease, the big thing for me Always was my balance, I still have it but not so much balance to walk for a long time I need to use a walker.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">And of course it has something about my emotions.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">Many people has ME in this planet, but honestly I got used to it, big deal for me and first thing when I get to know someone man or women is that I have ME.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">Honestly it doesnt make me ugly or beautiful, it is just a disease and many people in this planet has worse things more than this simple disease.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">The bad point about it; find Jobs. In general has a pre concept over people that has any disease, like me, but it is difficult to talk about it in Brazil, a country that Always had public selection for get a job position, so if you have any deficiency is a problem but still possible to have a job but it is dificult.</span><br />
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<br />Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-41716803993766189912015-03-26T07:20:00.002-07:002015-03-26T07:39:25.747-07:00A little of my life when discovery my sickness ME<br />
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How everything started<br />
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Here I'm back my hometown Brasilia and it is not being so nice, I have this disease, Multiple Sclerosis, Im taking the injections that avoid you have attacks, but this the only good point to be back Brazil, I've trying to get work here and nothing, may be because I'm too specialized for Brazil, but I just tried in Brasilia, maybe I should go to bigger cities like Sao Paulo, but even there I'm not sure if I can find work.
Brazil developed a bit, it is true, but still a lot of work to be done to step up to a second world country, for me still a third world country.
Anyway with out work and a life here?
I don't think I will stay longer here.<br />
Anyway, my purpose for this book, it is tell my story around the world; it’s a long story I lived for years in England, Netherlands and China, but I will tell everything.
For me make sense start all from the last place I was living
CHINA!! Shanghai and Changzhou
China was a very interesting experience. Quite different from any culture I've ever imagine. And working teaching Interactive media for the Chinese guys was a great experience, I can say I would not go back to live there, but as a life experience was amazing, I've learned about the world and myself as person.
I've lived in 2 towns there: Changzhou and Shanghai, my first 2 years I spent living in Changzhou, teaching there for the same school - Raffles Design Institute.<br />
Do they speak English? A little, they speak as much English as majority of the population in Brazil, almost nothing.
Did you need to learn Mandarin? No, I've always had a translator with me in the classes. All my classes always were in English.
But it was very interesting to see the interaction between me and the Chinese students, firstly they were coming to try to talk with me and of course I've answered in English and they look at me as they are understanding but NO!
But if you look their faces you think they are, this something I've learned from them; they never never can be ashamed! Its a very bad bad posture in China, I've heard about it, in all Asia, but I just perceived it in China.<br />
Physical living conditions in Changzhou, first apartments I've lived there not very good, but after I situated myself there I found what is not too bad and cheap, it is cheap because Changzhou is a small town in China, but my view of small and big cities changed completely in China, Changzhou it is the same population and geographically size of Brasilia in Brazil, when I start to look the world around me and it is different.
Life was not bad by this time, good apartment, good job ah I found a boyfriend, not Chinese, but French.<br />
Many foreigners going to China to work, as you get paid well and live well and for men you can have all those Chinese girls surround you. In my first year in China I completely hated all those girls, for me they were going around the foreigners, almost attacking them to have something with them, aarggghhh!!
I need to say that I never paid much attention to Chinese people, when I moved there has no scape! you need to pay attention on them. It was funny my first weeks there because I couldn’t see any difference between them, I couldn’t distingue them at all they look the same for me.
And Im a woman, as anybody around the world, you can be alone for a while, but after a while we need to find a partner, someone to share life and in case Chinese men was not for me at all, but the foreigners were going to the Chinese girls aarrrgghh!!, understandable.<br />
We are like animals, in a different ambient we get near others to survive, so the reason the foreigns got near Chinese women
Then luckily I found this French guy Ronan, he is working for a Belgium company in Changzhou.
We spent one year and a half together and it was a good relationship, I don't have complain about.
I had a few serious relationships lets say 3 or 4 ones, and this one with Ronan was a very good one, almost no arguments, we are very similar kind of people.
I can see after a few relationships that I'm stepping up in this aspect, has a evolution, you dont do the same mistakes and silly things that you did before, definitely a evolution and I can say that next relationship ( Ronan was the last one) will be better as I'm 42 years and all the time I'm learning better to deal with live, so....
Relationship, a man, a partner forever???<br />
I sometimes miss it, but I ask myself. Does it exist? I'm still checking out...
My problem is, I built up myself to be very independent, so after sometime specially after 30 years, you feel you need to settled down and stop somewhere alone??<br />
Loneless is not nice now, it was a few years ago but now, I don't feel anymore in this way
But anyway it is just life, lets come back to my story.
I had a different experience with Ronan in Changzhou, may be just different for me; surprisingly one day going holiday with him to Hong Kong I found out I was pregnant.
I never expected this in my life but I didn't think was a bad situation, I was with a good job, good boyfriend, why not have the baby?
First thing that really scared me 'has a baby to live in China???!!!' Different culture etc...
But I didn't have time enough to think about it, I had a miscarriage in the second month of this pregnancy and then I felt really bad, that is normal and my relationship with Ronan started to go down to the hole.
I believe now I should start to talk about my holidays in Asia.<br />
I didn't travel to all the countries in Asia just, Malaysia, Philippines and Thailand.
You can check the pictures in my FLICKR website (www.flickr.com/photos/raquelrna), ah and in China I went to travel holiday in many towns, by anyway had some places I love completely like Philippines, because it in east side of the world, I have similarities with my home country Brazil, the nature, the beaches.
Once I went there with Ronan, our relationship by this time wasn’t amazing, the trip was ok but not much more than this.<br />
After I had the miscarriage of my baby and Ronan’s I got depressed and I didn’t know what to do about my life. It was the moment when I realize I didnt want to stay with Ronan anymore.
I will explain you the reason and for me too. Before especially in the beginning of our relationship I was madly in love for him. But I could feel deep inside me he was not the man for I stay more years with him, and has my life was in the middle of something, it was the way I was feeling it and by this time, I decide to go to Australia to visit my brother, Australia is a very beautiful country I loved it, but it was there I found my disease.
I was in the beach there, I was in the beach in Melborne and suddenly I want to get up for some reason and I did try and I couldn’t, some nice people came to help and I thought to go back home but some where in me was very painful and I went to the hospital.
They gave me morphine and I collapsed and sleep for one day, after one day I grow up and stay in the hospital making exams to find out what I had and they found I have multiple sclerosis.
Australia has many people with this disease so which was not a difficult diagnostic for the doctors and they suggested me to go back home and take care of it there.
It was something that destroyed my feelings for my life. I had a good job and I was discovering many things about my life and me.
I didn’t know how I could organize it in my mind
Life can make fun jokes with you.<br />
My god come back to Brazil wasn’t the best thing for me at all. My relationship with my mom never was good and with my brother wasn’t too good (he wants to protect my mom all the time), my sister was the only one okish.
Because all this, straight away when I arrived I got depressed and stay like this for a year.
It is not because the disease it was because the relationship with my family mainly in the first year back to Brazil.
Honestly I feel some badish things about the disease, but I can live with them no problem, the problem for me it was live with my family.
Never was a drama about this disease, the problem is touch your emotional side a lot because CHANGE your life completely
But I will tell you where this strength to go around the world started. I always was aware that has a planet in this immense universe, and I always thought to explore this planet, the civilizations and cultures around me.
But I always loved to study, and the Internet 20 years ago was the big boom for us. And I was at the university doing my degree course Fine Arts and I found a project of the MA in Arts and a vacancy to be research student there.<br />
Then I found that I needed to study a lot about a subject Art and Technologie, this was the first step and you find something you like, it goes forward, it was amazing for me that I found that I like to investigate of course what is interesting for me.
And I went thought this way until now, but the big journey was outside Brazil, it started when I decided to study out of Brazil, never I found amazing the education in Brazil, I went to England to do my MA in Media and Arts.
Actually it was funny because I just wanted to study outside and it didn’t matter the subject, need to be something related to arts because my degree course is Fine Arts, so Media and Arts, that is basically the new medias, funny the Internet now it isnt a new media anymore.
I was so scared go to England to study a subject, but it was the greatest experience I had in my life by this time, year 2000.
Some ways changed completely my life, I knew a guy (Jeff) I met online though a software ICQ and got on very well and he offered me to stay at this apartment when I arrive to England, I couldn’t refuse, I accepted.
The only thing my mom told me when I was at the airport to fly to England was ”you will return in 3 months time, very supportive”!!!! Aren’t her?
I arrived to England and it was different for me, but I made plans and all were sorted, Jeff was at Heathrow waiting me, it wax another thing crazy in this Internet time, I saw pictures of him and he saw pictures of me, but the reality definitely is another thing.
My English was very poor, I taught myself English but always is different when you talk with a native from their home countries.<br />
As I said he offers to share his apartment with me and I had a bedroom just for me.
I was so happy first time in my life I have a sense of independence, but I need to start to investigate things like were the university, which bus I need to take to go there, where was it.
I was a very lucky woman, I made a search online look for a job and found one in a small company in Southampton to have money to survive well in England and straight away when I arrived in England: I had a job, a boyfriend and a MA course to do, I remember every night there I was sleeping so happy with my happiness there!
It was actually what I was dream in my life, an adventure, and I got it.
Next step explore the country, the world around there.
I already said to you, I love music, and ever specially music from England, it was my way to learn English to understand better the meaning of the their music.
It was funny just before I traveled a friend showed me a band from there that she enjoyed very much and I never heard before, I was a hardcore girl by this time 1997, the band called DEPECHE MODE and I enjoyed Jeff’s one of his favorite.
I started the classes in the university, my god! What a massive difference from the Brazilian ones.
I never will forget the day when I ask my coordinate who else should oriented me, books I should read etc.
He just answered me “ You should look by yourself what is necessarily for your research.” This was a shock for me, actually the British way to learn was a shock, I spent some days shocked after a while I stand up and thought “ you are in a new country to study, you must adapted to it.”
And I did adapted to England, I learned a lot in England; the difference of the taught way to make you learn about the subjects, the way to teach, Im glad I had a okish education in Brazil, if I had a bad one I never could finish my MA in Media and Arts.<br />
England was for me a taught education in all ways every day, actually life is a taught education every day. I never thought so clear in this way because I was living in Brazil, protected from all things, but when you live outside you must face all bad and good things, it is why I found Jeff as boyfriend, love; to show me how England works in all aspects.
I didn’t stay so long with Jeff, it something like 2 years, maximum 2 years and a half. Never I will say anything bad about this relationship, as any relationship taught you good things and bad things, in the end you need to learn how to live with both things, good and bad things.
Now I want to tell a part that was a big adventure in UK, do strip-tease there, it is a experience that is not many people that knows, I didn’t tell many people but for me was a great adventure get to know this other side of society.
It is so fun to remember it, of course I met all the girls that were dancing with me
But it was so fun; get to know a new world in the same world.
Beginning- I’ve realized that physically I was successful with the British men, so I thought, ”why not make money with it” as my mother couldn’t help me much and tell her and everybody that im working in a pub. Strippers all the time was seeing as easy work, just need to be beautiful and not ashamed to be naked in front of people, specially men.
And never was, I always has been very curious to make people react and see how are their reactions. I need to say that I went work in different cities in UK and I don’t want to work in the city where I was living Southampton
It was a glamour life as soon as I walked in the club.
I started to deal with it quite ok because I started to met the work people of the club and I think much of this attitude come out from your attitude toward others.<br />
I don’t have problems with people in general, so I never had problems at all and always got very good money, it could make my survive in UK, I can say that was a new way to see my life and it wasn’t bad.
Was I happy? Not really
But I know life it is not static, can move on and on, and I was waiting for this movement.
And one day I met the most handsome man I saw in my life in Southampton when I was having a drink with Kat in a pub and start to flirt to him and he started to flirt to me, it was a magic moment, life experience abroad.<br />
And strangely we start to have a strange connection between us.
Later on he told me he was there in the pub just because the ship stopped there for two days.
And I start to get completely curious about his life, and he asked me if I want to go the ship with him and I said yes.
I felt I was meeting another style of life completely different of my life. And I was madly in love for him specially because in Brazil I never had a handsome man as boyfriend. I found out he was a maritime engineer and his work was England normally going to Singapore and back to England.
But deep inside me I didn’t want to go back to Brazil, he didn’t know it and ask me to go to Netherlands to live with him, you know this sort of man that is sorted in life, good job, house and just need a wife to make a family, and I was his choice.
I felt inside my heart was confuse about my future, if I would like to marry and have kids.
This stage of my life made me stop to think what I want to do?
Just after this stage: funny story, I went to Australia visit my brother that was living there and I end up in a hospital diagnostic with multiple sclerosis (ME). I just to told my self: It is life. And stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks, the doctors making exams etc And I was completely down, didn’t know what to do with my life, honestly I still don’t know what to do ;)
It is very strange live without objective, isn’t it?<br />
I know because I’m spirit, has a meaning for all of us be here, isn’t a person, but feeling, LOVE. I though many times, that is between men and women, but no, it isn’t it is forward.
Talk about nowasdays, I got retired because my disease, I stay all day at home, reading, writing this book, try to feel up my time and online.
Internet is something tricky, you can see more and more that is a construction of new world, a virtual word, and we are just in the beginning of this virtual word as any world has the good sides and bad side .
If tell you a bunch of scammers I got in touch, men or women want to take money of the users of many websites, it is so difficult to have a change to see, feel what is real or not.
I can see it as evolution of the human being.
Please I can say thank you if you make comments about, you can make here or write me a email raquelnolasco@gmail.com
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Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-84475896864152304522013-12-01T09:47:00.000-08:002013-12-01T09:47:49.614-08:00Life continuos ever :)Hello
Im getting so down and frustrated about the virtual world is invading with scammers maybe from Ghana (as I already had one on my feet) Russia, Nigeria as I had one now on my feet and has a new other places they are get together to attacked women they are need for some tender and love like me.
Again I was devastated it is becoming a normal thing, needs to be real for I believe in love? Seems like in this step we are now, seems yes by God I met 2 of my ex boyfriends online and by the time I could be secure about their vicissitude but now more the internet develop more you need to be aware about these crimes online and of course these scammers.
I question myself about things that are real or not?Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-28675755074308789122013-11-20T05:59:00.004-08:002013-11-20T05:59:44.990-08:00New man - is he real??????I need to share this moment with, Friday ( today is Wednesday ) will come to Brazil a men I met online.
He is from US but at the moment he is in London he was working there, he is divorced and has one daughter, and we met in a dating website and I know Im a nightmare with this dating website, he suggested that he could come to Brazil and I said why not? come, he is coming!!!
My sister made a scene, he is a scammer, bla bla bla He sent me a copy of his flight tickets, all show he is not but as my sister I still doubter, lets see Friday.
He looks like madly in love for me, ok I already told you I need a boyfriend and in Brazil is very difficult to find a man to have a relantioship with me. And lo9ks like I can have one for me with him but lets wait to see, after all these scammers attacking me to get money Im traumatized with man I meet online on the Internet.
He doesnt look bad, looks foreign, I dont mind about it honestly I prefer :)
I will write more after I met him if he will come it is not a scammer.
See you later :)
Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-28676557160886835402013-11-07T04:05:00.003-08:002013-11-07T05:40:21.129-08:00I still in Earth and life carry on :)Hello all
How is going ;ofe?
Has a while that I dont post here, life always move if you live in Earth :)
I will tell you the news(br)
I got retired because my illness MS Multiple Sclerosis. Im ok but definitely got worse doesnt suprise me as it is a degenerative illness, but I still doing my things live.
Today Im depressed because I dont have more pills for depression and the doctor told that you get depressed because MS, I dont have idea she told me.(br)
Lately surprise me Im quite happy I believe the medicine for depression helps but another things that are going on my life also helps.
I born catholic, but lately because my sister is Spiritualist I became, and my god, it made a difference for me, my outlook of the world change, made a transformation on me not a massive transformation, but good enough to make me happy :)(br)
Many things I would like to have now in my life didnt happened like I find a love, but I learned with the Spiritualism to look into yourself in a different way. My relationship with my mom became much better with my family my sister and brother.(br)
I learned that life has a cycle and you are in this cycle and you cant do anything to change, actually you can but wont change, so Im try to do my best to dont try to change this cycle and be unhappy.(br)
I will carry on write now I will not take a long time, very soon I write more.(br)
Kisses(br)
Bye
Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-69610403380278569072013-04-10T08:24:00.001-07:002013-04-11T08:34:50.051-07:00Scammers: Psycholotical rape, be very carefulI have a scare review today, the last months I was stolen by a SCAMMER online. Remember by last post inlove an Internet romance I found after this scammer can damage financially and emotionally very much.
It is a long story
I will start now. I got a request from a maritime engineer from UK one day and I say to myself ' why not add this men at least I know a bit about his routine' and added him, we start to chat supposed he is from UK and was working in the sea. You thing I know and made very up to this scammer, Im definitely very needy if I can find in reality why not go to the internet?
And this scammer ( I didnt know was one ) started to realize it and start to be very involvedand after a short time I was very much in love for him, we start to make plans to meet up etc...
But the attack was just about to start, he told me he has a son that was in acollege excursion in Ghana and had an accident and needed help to pay the hospital as he couldnt get any money in a ship, this part is true, so he asked me to lend money to him and of course soon as he is in land me he pay me back.
Innoncently I lend him the money 2000 dollars!
Never more I will see this money again Im sure! And it is sick this all the time after he was inventing new things to get more money from me, finally I just blocked him completely. But the Internet is like the real world, what he did basically it is still money from me!
I know as everybody especially my sister that lives in Canada, get into the real world.
I did a research about it and seems like many many women around the world suffer from these scams. For me know it is become a nightmare especially because the emmptional side of it, yesterday I even couldnt sleep.
Here a website about and seems Ghana it is a main point for it
http://ghana.usembassy.gov/romance_scam.html
The thing is Ive learned in the worse way that you have a real world, the right thing to do is looking in the real world and dont expected too much from the virtual world, the ones that read my blog can followed the story of my last years, Ive met some boyfriends by Internet, but the man Im in love now I met in reality :), I think I already comment about him, he was my first boyfriend in Brazil and still in love for him, I tought in another country, another man could make me happy, but it is wrong, just in my dreams maybe.
Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-27585422566465058012013-03-09T09:49:00.002-08:002013-03-09T09:49:57.447-08:00Internet Romance? ! :)
Hi, I have a romantic tale to tell you ok? The Internet? Has many meaning for everybody, but for me exactly now has a romantic meaning ad I still absorving it. I wiill tell you from the beginning : One day sunddendly he sent me a message thought Skype and we start to chat, I like straight away that is he is British where I lived for a few years) and he is maritime engineer (I lived with one for a few years in Netherlands)
He is a cool guy and he told everything about his life, first he is 49 years and has a son, his wife died when was giving birth to the second one and he has one son that she had before, actually he has 15 years old. After a few chat he asked me if I would like to marry him and be the mother of his son and also mother of the future kids. It made me think, "why not? I have 40 years old, basic I traveled a lot, I have this MS" As any human being I need to try my best to be happy, and be because Im so focused on me I missed may opportunities.
I accept :) He is working soon as return to UK I will go there to meet him and marry :) Strangely I study Media and Arts there in England, I have a feeling that will work well, a romance thought the Internet? Internet is a new media, it is so difficult to define the bad and the good on it.
Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-88917462308796755142013-01-14T07:24:00.002-08:002013-01-14T07:24:39.638-08:00Here Im back with my tales, but now I have a Brazilian one that is going on now, nothing really bad but lets a challenge.
I was fired 2 weeks ago, reason: they think I cant attend well to the work because are consequence of my disease MS.
Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-6987042427455226482012-06-28T10:11:00.000-07:002012-06-28T10:35:51.104-07:00Worth a break :)I will give you a break in my stories about UK and other countries that I had been, and I will be back a little later.
The reason is finally life in Brazil is starting to show up a bit for me, I have a job, getting to know people; well I started to get a bit more used to be in Brazil and it is not bad, it is just life :) it is why I asked a little break to tell you my life in Brazil now, in the readaptation process.Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-46946109307136657932012-04-05T08:55:00.010-07:002012-04-05T19:11:00.014-07:00Music forever!Continuing my story in England, just before leave Brazil, actually everytime I was very connect to music, in case all styles, of course always I was looking for the good ones in my point of view, I can say thank you my parents, specially my father, to introduced me im a public music school in Brasilia when I was 6,7 years old, it was a beginning of self knowledge about the world and about myself. <br /><br />When I moved to England it just expanded completely in myself, after it I was in a rock band in Brasilia, so definitely music was always envolved in my life and England! England has a music soul, I never forget one day we were going by car to London spent the weekend there and in the way Southanpton / London Jeff just turned on the radio and connected many pirate radios, Djs playing excellent music and I believe a few people were making music live, amazing!!!! After this day I was sure UK breath music :))<br /><br />I believe during the same time I found what was for me the best online radio I´ve heard/seen in my life - GROOVETECH -. I remember it made so excited and high and it was live from London one day another day it was live from Seattle.Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-4061693386442620682011-11-30T07:28:00.000-08:002011-12-04T11:59:36.506-08:00Exploring EnglandThere was so different for me, I mean physically, remember I never left Brazil before! So the bio types, men and women, kids, because they are blond, many blond people and white skin! ah light color eyes; we can see it in Brazil, of course, but not many together. For me it just defines the bio type of another race! <br />For me, after traveled so many different places, the world is divide in 4 different races: white: European and Latins, Africans, Asiatics.<br /><br />Observing this difference in one aspect the world start to becomes bigger, when you realize these differences that you can perceive so clear around you where you were live. I can say I got on well with a few British people, the ones I met in England, looking back now, quite good people, just remember one Paul, he studied with me at my MA, he was from the Media Writing course, we got on very well, we didn't became close friends by the time but later after I left England and came back to Brazil we start to talk by the Internet, he had a brain tumor, he couldn't finish the course, he needed to left the course to trait this tumor and I guess 3 years ago he died, very sad :((((((Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-71608453070414495462011-11-13T09:30:00.000-08:002011-11-15T10:18:41.447-08:00Continuing living in SouthamptonMy classes in Southampton started at the university. Still feel all strange, different, so I started to look the good sides, good things around me; I started to have a love relationship with Jeff, I was very much in love and another thing that impressed me it was Jeff's love for music and I was looking for new music to know, listen and I could find many with Jeff, bands, groups that most probably I will love forever like Depeche Mode, a few friends in Brazil already love Depeche Mode but I always was closed to .... until Jeff :) Kruder and Dorfmeister that showed me a more melodic way to do electronic music and I've got to know many more groups.<br /><br />I remember one thing that we loved to do together, go out to the music shop and buy CDs in promotion, I remember we found Kruder and Dorfmeister in this way.<br /><br />This was the beginning for me to take conscious of ways that I would like to follow in my life, like music, I already told you before here that I've played in a rock band in Brasilia, but get to know more music, specially in UK that has music pulsing in their soul made me completely aware about my feelings for music and more I lived there, more I was investigating my thoughts about music, and investigating music, of course took me sometime to get near a conclusion about it, and it is still going on but every day it becomes more and more clear. But lets go back to my life in England.<br /><br />One good thing about my life, it was that Jeff had a company car, so we could go to London and other places in England, it was very convenient, for instance, we want to go to music shows, just get in the car and go! We did it to go Garbage show, Lamb and many more. <br />Lamb show was a incredible experience for me, it was in Brighton not so far from Southampton. It was my first show in England, I remember I didn't know what expect, never heard much about Lamb and it was an amazing show, they are not like a traditional rock band, far from it, I can call them experimental rock band, I was very impressed with the bass movement, the bassist, the vocalist, in the end it is difficult to make any judgment, it was what I realized and just enjoyed a lot the show, finish the show we got back to Southampton and when I arrived, time to go sleep, I did try, but I couldn't sleep, too excited with the experience, difficult to cool down and sleep (probably Jeff can remember it); it is was wonderful experience, the show, the music, the ambient !!!!!!!!!!! After this show Lamb became one of my favorites bands :)Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-32367278760881845042011-08-28T09:31:00.000-07:002011-08-28T10:26:26.713-07:00Where is my Social life in England?I would like to talk a bit about what I mentioned about my personal crisis, my social life during the time I was living in England, I want to make a point for you readers don't generalize it, please, it was a personal problem, it was not something about the British people. It was a shock how different it could be from the culture I was just coming out - Brazil.
<br />The notion I had about friendship was so different from Brazil, because we here, latinos, we say that everybody around are amigos-friends, funny enough I learned the real meaning of friendship living outside Brazil, we can't say that everybody can be your friend, it doesn't exist, but in my point of view it can exist in latino culture. Now as days a friend is someone you can trust, someone that is like a brother not a family brother, but someone you can trust completely, why people in UK say is very difficult to find a friend.
<br />In South America in general, it is very easy to find amigos-friends, but it doesn't mean you can trust completely on them. I can say I made friends during the time I lived in England, just 2 friends, I was back Brazil and said it to the people and they were horrified, because here everybody is your friend, it is not good at all here you can call 1, 2 person as friends.
<br />And it is something that you can't make any judgment about, I just can say this is culture, in case, different cultures, different social approaches.
<br />Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-80998450007339030532011-08-21T15:43:00.000-07:002011-08-21T16:11:46.599-07:00And the UK is England, Scotland, Northen Ireland and WalesFunny, because I didnt know which countries constitutes UK until I've moved there, ok, ok never I was very good in geography, but the old expression : you live and you learn, it was what happened to me when I moved to England; anyway always when you moved to a new country is a big life lesson, I really dont complain about my experiences living in other countries, it always really motivate me to look the world around you deep inside, the felling of these experiences I never had even closer in Brazil, I can say from my experiences, it can become something addicted, Im back Brazil after 10 years out here, Brazil is a new country for me, but I still know it, used to the country manners etc. I have this spirit of explorer, discover new thing.
<br />When I went to England nobody was really support me to go there, this was bad, I was on my own, in some ways, this helped me to go other countries after and gave me some level of independence, what I dont complain!
<br />Everything was ok in Southampton, but after a few months my personal crisis started, I was missing a social life, I just had my ex boyfriend, good enough, but I needed to have my own life, ok I was studying, had my colleagues, but study with them doesnt mean they gonna be your friends, ah another aspect about there, European people, and specially British people they can be quite closed, very different from Brazil, the Latin culture, it was another shock for me, never I could imagine they were so different in this aspect.Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-11048968424099380182011-08-07T15:31:00.001-07:002011-08-07T16:01:44.058-07:00Discovering what has in the UK?Discovering what has in the UK?<br /><br />As wrote before my beginning of life in UK, and when I look back now it was kind of perfect, but I haven't started yet my MA course there, face a bit different educational system and it has a reason, of course, when you look the world that is divide by different cultures, and it was a shock for me. <br /><br />First time I moved out Brazil, and for me, most educational systems should be like the Brazilian one, but NO!<br /><br />Not very different, but I didn't prepare myself for this difference and I've arrived there to start straight way my course.<br /><br />My lucky was I started to get very evolved with Jeff and shortly he became my boyfriend, I was in love, of course, and he helped me a lot with life in general there.<br /><br />I think took around a year to I get used to the basic life in UK. I mean basic life like: food, bank, bills and more important people and their social behavior, it was not easy, but enjoyable as any part of the discovery of a new country, culture.<br /><br />I need to say the culture in UK is different from Brazil, first thing I've noticed there, their concept of family in society, it is different. People leave home very early, usually around 20 years old, and in Brazil they can normally live with their family for a long time, even live forever. One good reason for the British leave and the Brazilians being sometimes forever with their families, it is the economical situation of the countries, good in UK, and not so good in Brazil, but then I'm talking about centuries of economical and cultural development of these countries and the world surrounded them.Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-28304455319190181052011-04-18T08:11:00.000-07:002011-04-18T08:43:00.817-07:00The proper beginning of life in UK - SouthamptonAnd here will go, the very beginning of life in UK, in case I went straight to Southampton, where I would study and live, and Jeff, the guy I was chatting online offered to pick me up at Heathrow airport and I accepted and he went there to picked me up and we got on very well, it was a very good beginning to start live in UK with a kind support of a British man. I remember I've arrived in UK in January, a few days before my 28 years old birthday, it was planned, my idea was start up my new life in a big way.<br /><br />When I've arrived to my new life, all my life conditions in Southampton were sorted, I had a MA to do, I have a part time job as web designer and a good and supportive friend, I was immensely happy :)<br /><br />I don't know if I wrote it before, but it was my first time abroad and it wasn't turism, it was to make a life in another country, scary!! But I loved it :)Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-18112145131559237382011-03-14T13:16:00.000-07:002011-03-14T15:25:40.159-07:00In EnglandAs i said before, I've researched alot for faculties, universities where I could study what I want to study. I found finally Solent Southampton University, looked great for me it has a Masters of Media and Arts, so I went for it. :)<br /><br />So, I was getting to know more and more the power of the Internet, and start to research everything about the degree, England and British people online. I never stopped myself to think that most of the music I love comes from UK, it was definitely a better reason to do this MA in UK, and I selected exactly Southampton because is very close to London. and of course because the degree. I was accepted in 7 or 10 universities in England, but Southampton seemed pretty interesting for me, close to London, by the sea.<br /><br />Next step for me by the time, it was make friends online, and by ICQ (software i don't know if still exist) I met Jeff. I found this guy quite fun and a interesting chat, we became very good friends online, maybe a little more than this, just online, aha he was/is very into music, someone that I could discuss and talk about music, very important for me.<br /><br />Actually by this time I was discovering many things about music, rock, especially electronic music; I was in rock band Animais dos Espelhos, in many ways a brand new world was opening for me and I was loving this world.<br /><br />I always will love rock, but my vibe start to be much more into electronic music. <br />And England is the place to be if you love electronic music.Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-55692802845866430742011-03-14T09:08:00.000-07:002011-03-15T09:30:26.263-07:00Very Beginning of life in EnglandWell, better started from how I have the idea to go somewhere else.<br />It started when I was finishing my degree at UnB in Brasilia and I was research student in one project at the MA in Art and Technology of the Fine Arts Department, and I need to study deeply the Internet and it was in the beginning 0f the Internet around 1995, at least in Brazil, and I was completely enchanted by the new technology, how it could reduce long distant to a so close 'space'?<br /><br />For me by the time, it opened a door to a new world, and I was completely up to explore it and I did and I plan to keep exploring it, it is magic for me.<br /><br />So, I was finishing my degree in Fine Arts (believe me!) and I've realized that I do appreciate Arts, but what really attract me, it is another subject and I found out that is communication technologies, so I needed to find a way to study it without dissociate my degree background. I spent probably researching one year until I find the best way to study what I like, it is doing a MA, in case, by the time I found the best thing was go outside Brazil, explore the world, explore life, explore the new technology, the INTERNET.Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-89901342724546244392011-02-13T07:23:00.000-08:002011-02-13T09:23:53.772-08:00End story in NetherlandsEnd story in Netherlands<br /><br />Too many disappointments about my life in Netherlands, especially the personal one. I had a good life experience, I've try my best to resist to come back to Brazil, but it was too painful for me, I didn't think it was the best for me be back here but sometimes you don't have options, you need to step back to carry on living.<br /><br />Next post I will write about my life in UK, my first time out Brazil, my first time proving life, I love UK, I love London :)Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-58465246664543849572011-01-18T12:28:00.000-08:002011-02-09T08:50:35.528-08:00Lost in this world: Continuing my stories in NetherlandsAfter a little break, new year - 2011 - break, I'm returning to continuing my stories, now, Im telling you my story about my life in Netherlands.<br />Well, I was telling you about my frustration about live up north, in Harlingen and work in Amsterdam<br /><br />Well, my job, my colleagues, it was a new life in this point, starting to me, all very exciting, I was very happy about it, but not happy with my personal live, living in Harlingen, starting to be very disappointing with my relationship.Everyday I was waking up praying my life will change for something that I like, I believe many of us waking up hoping it.<br /><br />Well, during I guess 6 months, almost one year I was hoping my personal life could change, until one day my ex got completely insane, fed up and went to company I was working in Amsterdam and made a huge scandal to everybody in the company, said terrible things about me, how horrible I was as I 'didn't want' to get a job just around Harlingen etc, etc, etc... of course all his point of view, and how he was feeling.<br />It was a big thing to the company management and I could understand it until the day the HR called me and fire me up. This was a big damage for this almost nothing relationship, but I did manage to don't look thing in such a bad way.<br /><br />I've try to find a job just around Harlingen, but it was almost impossible because:<br /><br />1 - my dutch, I could speak a few dutch but most companies found not enough to work.<br /><br />2 - Harlingen is a inner country village, so not many business going on around there<br /><br />3 - funny enough, happened exactly what is going on to me now (very difficult to find a job in Brasilia), 'well specialized' 'why you don't go to live in the main cities, there definitely you can find something for you'<br /><br />Well, I found my destiny was get married and have kids, nothing else to me there.<br />I thought about it, but something inside me was going against this decision, it was not for me, I'm too much independent to agree to this 'destiny'!<br /><br />Then I returned to Brazil completely sad and destroyed, thinking I did try, but it looked like it is not for me there. But I think I told you before Im very persistant, so after a few month I returned to Netherlands to try for the last time. And this time it was the worse time, the relationship was completely dead.<br /><br />Then I got crazy and sent my CV to Amsterdam, The Hague, Rotterdam to the biggest cities in Netherlands and yes, I received some really good offers in these cities to move there to work there, but my visa was completely connected to my ex and he was completely against move out Harligen to help me, for him the best solution was I become a mother, once more I was sure he was not the man for me.Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-22018846941786830212011-01-18T03:49:00.000-08:002011-01-18T12:31:42.797-08:00Continuing my stories in NetherlandsAfter a little break, new year - 2011 - break, I'm returning to continuing my stories, now Im telling you my story about my life in Netherland.<br /><br />My life there was quite OK, the only problem for me and my ex boyfriend was that I was working in Amsterdam. Amsterdam is a world apart in Netherlands, my feeling there was has not much about the Dutch way to be, more traditional; Amsterdam is very much, at least, seems much more liberal, open minded.<br /><br />For me, living in Harlingen, small village situated in a very traditional area in Netherlands, and work Amsterdam, a very liberal city there, after a while it was a shock!<br /><br />And emotionally it started to do a damage on me<br /><br />I mean, I'm not exactly the sort of girl that can live well satisfied in a small village, I was trying to adapt myself to this reality but it was hard for me, specially living practically alone as my ex was going to work on the sea for 3 months; I knew people that I could enjoy myself with, but all them living around or in Amsterdam. <br /><br />It was a tough time for me, I had love and money but in some ways very away from me - love yes, but my ex was 3 months away, working - money, yes, but I needed to drive everyday 2 hours to work and I wasn't live close to work, in Amsterdam!<br /><br />Working in Amsterdam, feeling the atmosphere there and most of my workmates living there I started to feel pretty tempted to live there, I suggested it to my ex, and the answer was pretty rude ' It is much more expensive to live in Amsterdam ' and I tried to argue about the benefits to live there etc...<br /><br />Then start my final nightmare there :(Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-30925772347636028942010-11-15T06:11:00.000-08:002010-11-15T13:06:16.035-08:00More addapted to live in NetherlandsContinuing: I've shacked myself and thought he is not here and you need to do something for you here and of course he will also get the benefits of it.<br /><br />He had a car and I could drive with my Brazilian drive license for 6 months so I got the car and started to drive around. Most jobs for me as non Dutch speaker just English speaker are in Amsterdam, mainly all them are down south Netherlands.<br /><br />It was a good feeling of freedom! Especially to drive in another country, Netherlands, basically I was crossing the country by car! :)<br /><br />Also as everything by this time, took me a while to get used to drive in Netherlands, but I loved specially cross the dyke from Harlingen to the next province . As I already said I was living in Friesland up north Netherlands.<br /><br />The dyke crossing was between Harlingen, Friesland to Hoorn, Noord Holland, another province. It was a very good kick for me to cross it to then drive to Amsterdam, listening good music and drive, I can say always was a magic moment for me, a very very beginning of a day. :) Always I was listening my good morning music of Orbital, Halcyon, just writing now reminding these moments, I missed it a lot:)Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-681683971990983067.post-41672583499483237422010-11-02T05:53:00.000-07:002010-11-02T16:13:57.819-07:00Adapting to the new lifeHow was the process? I was still living in UK, my British visa was just about to expire, all my stuff still in UK and suddenly I received this propose to move to Holland to live with him, so I didn't think twice, move from UK to Netherlands. oh didn't go back to Brazil first, no I wasn't miss Brazil, I was hungry for a new life and I was in love in a way I never felt in my life before.<br /><br />Then start my surprises about my new life there, I thought my ex boy should be living in a small city, but no, it is a village, Harlingen by the time just had 10.000 people living there.<br /><br />Another surprise, it is not all Dutch that speak good English, most of them can understand and speak, but depends of their educational level, mainly around the big cities, all them can speak and understand, but in Friesland, the province I've moved to live, not many people could speak and understand and I didn't speak any Dutch. Friesland is not the most developed province in Nederlands and they speak another language there, some told me it is a language, some told me it is just a dialet, it called Friesen. <br /><br />OK, at least doesn't sound so different and strange like Mandarin, but still a language I couldn't speak and understand. Bit in case I got my partnership visa to be there and the government basically obliged you to go to a Dutch course to learn the language and their culture habits, what I found quite good for the people that lives there and for the immigrates to adapt to the country.<br /><br />Ah, I must tell you one thing I forgot to tell, my ex boy was a maritime engineer of the biggest container shipping line in the world, so 2 weeks at home and 3 months in the sea. First time he told me, I didn't think was so bad as I could feel I wasn't so in love anymore and a lot of time alone and I love to be on my own.<br /><br />But the first trip was a really bad experience; first: I was in a different world for me, second: the language issue, I still waiting for the Dutch course of the government, third: it was a simple thing, I was missing him a lot, as I was very fragile and I couldn't go somewhere to meet him for one day.Raquelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13066075719766045731noreply@blogger.com0